What the Books Don’t Tell You

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I’m an avid reader.  I read all the time…books, papers, magazines, blogs, cereal boxes, owners’ guides.  You get the idea.  I became extra motivated to read when we were preparing for the birth of our first child.  Really?!  Can you get enough information about delivery, the first year, lists of stuff to buy, and immunization schedules?  I read and shared so much information that my dad used to laugh and want to know what the books had to say about all sorts of weird problems.

Now that I have a teen, a tween, and a queen I’ve learned the books kind of fall short after those first few months and you are well on your way to disaster every step of the way.  My top —– of what I really needed to know

  1. I may never, never, ever (borrowing some Taylor Swift lyrics) get to use the bathroom alone ever again.  I’m just saying, there is someone in there with almost every time I’m in there.  I always thought it would end by the time they were five but no chance of that being the case at my house.  By the way, locks don’t work.  My kids can pick a lock faster than you can say knock, knock.
  2. There are days that are bad, bad for being a parent, bad for being the child.  You will share your parenting woes with of course your own parents.  Your dad will laugh so hard while you are telling him your current problem that he will have to hang up to catch his breath.  Seriously, this has happened to me on more than one occasion.
  3. Kids eat weird stuff.  They will try out the rocks on the playground, crayons, markers, Playdough, Barbie shoes, and even shampoo.  Just recently, the teen ate $30 of raw cookie dough.  To top it off, he left the empty boxes in the fridge…not sure if he thought that dough would miraculously reappear or no one would notice it was missing.
  4. Kids can turn on lights and electronic devices but never know  how or remember to turn them off.  There aren’t enough numbers  in the world to keep track of the lights I turn off every single day.  Sometimes I think I’ve become my dad over the whole light thing.  Turning the lights out hits reality when you get those family of five energy bills.
  5. Just as we had fads we wanted to be participants of, so will your children.  Whether it is the layered look for the queen.  Second grade has a current fashion statement of the 80s going on and it adds way more laundry to the pile than necessary.  Or, there is the Nike Elite socks that almost every teen is wearing these days.  These socks are $15 a pair but my teen happily spent his last year Christmas gift cards to purchase a few pairs.  On the upside, he will actively help with the laundry pile in order to have a constant rotation of those pricey clean socks.

To all my readers out there…Keep reading and enjoy those babies because all those babies grow up to be big people whether we are ready or not.

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